Approaching the Quarter-Life Crisis (where is my BMW?)

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Life crises are no fun. At least a mid-life crisis has the accompanying images of a red BMW convertible, a new lake house or some luxurious perk. I am pretty sure the only connotation existing for a quarter-life crisis is a stressed-out, debt-laden postgrad freaking out about societal expectations and how to find fulfillment. Not very glamorous. So, I am here to guide you through this sticky time (as I am experiencing it myself at the ripe age of 24) and see how us millennials can navigate this life change together (and find some perks in the process)!

Below are some guided questions I created to reason-through the stress and confusion to hopefully arrive at your own answers and next steps. May I recommend a glass of white wine to go with this guide? Okay, I do. 

What do you value?

And I mean, really value. Not getting brunch with your girlfriends on Sunday morning, or that new dress you just picked-up on extreme clearance at Banana Republic. I am talking the big stuff: family, relationships, your career, etc. These are the things you build your life around, drop-everything for, and are deeply invested in. Identify these factors. For me, this year has taught me that I value my family above all else: career, travel, etc. This took my about 11 months to admit…but hey, when you know what is important to you and have found that foundation, don't be shy or ashamed to commit. You do you. Don't let anyone else's visions or expectations for you hold you back from finding what you really love, and sticking to it. 

Where do you see yourself in five years?

No, this isn't the "interview-ready answer." I want your honest answer, no matter how messy, cautious, wild or unrealistic it may seem. And I don't just mean career-I mean family, relationship, geographic location, everything. You need to be honest with yourself, and really do some soul-searching to figure this one out. It does not need to be static, but it should be something that guides your decisions over the next few years so that when you look back you don't have regrets. You get lectured all the time on not wasting your youth or not taking advantage of your twenties. This will help you feel that you have made the most of each day and took steps in the right direction to find your own definition of success.

Are you fulfilled (emotionally, spiritually, professionally)?

Another biggie (I never said this was an easy process. Take a sip of your wine.) Fulfillment often comes under the guise of professional advancements or a life partner. But there is so much more to it! In order to get through this time of questioning and life-analyzing, you need to take a step back and look at all of the factors. Just because you feel like you are stuck in a professional rut does not mean you should put all of your "unhappy eggs" in that basket. Have you also looked at how your relationships or where you live might be adding to that stress? Are you just blaming your current state on the easiest factor-and not admitting there are other issues weighing on you? 

I know-it's hard. We don't always want to take the time to fix the larger issues, or even admit them to ourselves. It might not (and probably will not) be the easy answer. But it is the answer that once addressed will leave you a happier and more stable person. This is also a time to explore what brings you fulfillment. Maybe you are lacking something in your life that you didn't realize. Take a dance lesson, pick-up the piano again, go to church, read a good book with no distractions from social media, cook for yourself. Add back some of the "simple life" activities, and you will be amazed how your quality of life changes.

What were you doing a year ago (that you really miss now)?

A year ago can sometimes feel like yesterday, or a decade ago. Which is why it is important to take some intentional time and re-discover who you were a year ago. What were everyday activities you engaged in that you wish you still had time for? (Guilty of this one! I keep saying I am going to get back into Yoga…I just need to commit to a studio already!) What people were in your life that you miss? It can be hard (especially after graduation) to stay connected with those close friends, especially now that you live more than 10 min. from each other. Truth is, there is always time for a text, phone call, or facebook message if you want to keep that person in your life. Of course I am all for making new friends wherever you move-explore, be adventurous, put yourself out there!-but it is important to have people who know you from different times of your life who value who you have been, and how you are growing into yourself. 

Was there a skill you were using that you miss engaging with? This is exactly why I started-up my blog again and have made a point to engage with my followers via social media. I really miss the PR/Marketing responsibilities I had in my university organizations, and (dare I say it) writing those papers for my English classes. For me, engaging with my writing and PR skills has been both educational and therapeutic. That is why I am hoping to make it part of my future career. Look for ways you can engage those skills (be it reading analytically, intellectual conversations, speaking a foreign language) and re-ignite those passions. 

What do you do just for you?

Ok, this is key. I know the other questions have been important (I am not negating that). But this one is sort of principal to your future happiness/life direction/general lifestyle. At the end of the day it is really your life, regardless of other roommates, relationships, family who are nearby. This is about you-your decisions, your future path, your career, your next big move. So-what is it that you do just for yourself? It doesn't have to be something life shattering. Maybe it is listening to your favorite playlist every morning. Or going on evening runs around your neighborhood. Perhaps finding time to read that good book that has been on your shelf, or committing to going out with girlfriends once a week.

If you aren't respecting who you are, and what you want to get out of life, right in this very moment then there is no way you can successfully get past this dilemma. It starts with these questions, but it ends with your actions. Make those small life changes (go to the farmer's market this weekend, head to a free museum night, finally go to that restaurant you've been wanting to check-out) and listen to what is bringing you fulfillment in the moment. Then take these passions, these callings, and incorporate them into your future plans. Maybe you join a new auxiliary council or pay for a new museum membership or plan time a few nights a week to curl up with your favorite book. Target these passions and you will make it through these periods of questioning and confusion one step at a time.